Why Danny and Paulina Should NOT Be Together
by FredandGeorgetwinsoftheC.O.C.A
Summary: A list by G. and F. why Danny should stop drooling over Paulina and ask Sam out already! PERMANENT HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Why Danny and Paulina Should NOT Be Together**

George: HI! I'm George, otherwise known as Twinkie, Dianna, or Forge.

Fred: And I am Fred, a.k.a. Skittles, Heather, and Gred. All things recognized as Muffin and Doughnut's (they are Poisoned Doughnuts of Doom, they rock, check them out) are inspired by them. Probably.

George: Today we will be aiding them in their eternal quest for Danny/Sam-ness. We are going to give you a list of reasons why Danny should never be with Paulina. Soon after, we'll get one out for Valerie (great girl, just not for Danny. Ever. He's Sam's! Back off!)

Danny: Paaauuullliinnaaaa….

G+F: Dork.

George: Wait, how and when did you get here?

Danny: Since Fred summoned me.

George: (turns to Fred) What did I tell you about performing illegal magical summons without inviting me?

Fred: Uhhh…I was in la la land when you said that. Repeat por favor.

George: Since when do you speak Spanglish?

Fred: Uhhh, since I felt like it. You could tell me, merci very much.

George: Now it's Franglish?!

Fred: Ken.

George: HEBREW!?!?! I give up…

Fred: hehehehe. Now. On to the List!

Danny: What list?

George: No, it's not list. It's **L**ist.

Danny: What?

Fred: Clueless. Ok, NUMBER 1—They are NOT a cute couple.

George: Numero dos—She is so much taller than Danny.

Fred: No, actually, she's not that much taller than Danny.

George: …well, now she is. Deal.

Fred: …ooookkkk then. Number 3 – She is SO much higher in the social class then the hot dork.

Danny: EEEEWWW! A guy's crushing on me!

G + F: (F: roll eyes G: stares w/ big eyes) Clueless.

Fred: Danny. In case you missed the memo. We. Are. Both. Girls.

George: We just used the penname of guys. Don't ask. And yes, Fred does have a huge crush on you. Though she still believes you belong with/to Sam.

Danny: WADDA YA MEAN 'TO'!!!

George: You guys are soul mates.

Fred: But you're still totally hot.

Danny: …(inches away but stops b/c he is chained to a giant carrot) Since when have I been chained to a giant carrot?!

George: Since I summoned the carrot.

Fred: And I summoned the chains.

Danny: …Oh…crud. Can I at least have a cookie?

George: OMG! HE'S GOT MIKE-ITIS! (faints)(Long story. Don't ask)

Fred: Like Father like son. Want some fudge with that?

Danny: No. Cuz then I'd have to wear an orange HAZMAT jumpsuit.

George: (jumps back up) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (is pointing at Danny and laughing)

Maddie: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH JUMPSUITS!

George: (cowers in fear)(says in small voice) No.

Fred: None at all, they show how hot he is… (drools a lot)

Danny: That's just seriously creepy…

Fred: Anyway, NUMBAH 4—Danny even thinks like a Manson…jumpsuit problems.

Maddie: (growls at Danny) I'll deal with you later young man.

Danny: I don't have jumpsuit problems…at least with yours; Dad's is another story.

George: Okay, moving on. Number 5—D+S cute. They match. Pink and red do not.

Danny: Huh?? Pink and red?

Fred: Duh! Your shirt! It has red, while Paulina wears all pink shirts. They clash horribly.

George: No they don't, only badly.

Fred: Nya! Who cares! ; P

George: Opposites attract. Paulina and Danny are not opposites. Sam and Danny are. Therefore, Danny and Paulina do not go. Ever. Oh, btw, that was # 6.

Danny: Sam and I are friends. How are we opposites??

Fred: Do we know/care? That's for techno-geek to show you. He has a whole list.

Tucker: Do not! Wait, when/how did I get here?

Danny: Nobody knows…or cares…

Tucker: WHY DO YOU STILL NOT LISTEN TO ME???

Fred: Hey, who did the illegal summons this time?

George: Me! I did it! I'm guilty! You'll never catch me alive! Never! MWAHAHAHA!!!

Fred, Danny, and Tucker: Uh, right…

George: WHAT??? You're just jealous you're not evil geniuses.

Fred: I'm your **identical **twin. Yes I am!

George: Oh. Right. I forgot. But the other two aren't!

Fred: HOW COULD YOU FORGET?! Anyway, # 7 I believe. Paulina doesn't want to be caught dead with you unless she thinks she's taking you from Sam. So there!!

Danny: Aw, I thought I finally had a shot!

G+F: HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING TO OUR RANTING???

Danny: Do I need to answer truthfully? I take the fifth! I don't want to incriminate me!

Tucker: Can I go? I need to go download pictures of Paulina off Danny's computer.

George: You're dismissed. Join Maddie in the escape pod. Or else.

Danny: So THAT'S where she went! Hi mom!!

Fred: Let's keep going. Eight—Paulina calls you in ghost form InvisoBill. She doesn't even love THAT form enough to know its name.

Danny: Crud, you're right. (censored)

George: Pardon your Mongolian!!

(all listen as escape pod launches) (triumphant war whoops are heard)

Fred: Is it time for our last illegal summons of the chapter yet?

George: Sure. (Sam appears) Want to give us number nine?

Sam: Sure!! OK, nine—Paulina is a shallow freak with no regards for feelings and I hate her with a fiery passion. And I love you. Oops! You didn't hear that! Nobody heard that! STOP STARING AT ME!!

ALL: (stare at Sam after not looking at all) (Danny blushes) (twins whistle in an "innocent" fashion)

Fred: We didn't hear annnyyything. Number 10—Everyone has made bets about how long it will take before you realize that asking Paulina out is futile. Do you really want to satisfy them??

George: Especially Lancer and Tucker. Uh-oh, wasn't supposed to tell you that! Whoopsie! Let's all forget I ever said anything!

Fred: Already forgotten.

George: What?

Fred: I have no idea.

D + S: We have been summoned by crazy loons. Someone please save us.

Random Narrator: (in a fake French accent) Tune in next time for the next installment of: Why Danny and Paulina should never ever ever in a bazillion years be together because it's wrong and creepy. Oops, there's a bonus 11! They hired me anyway! Leave me aloooone!


	2. Chapter 2

**Why Danny and Paulina Should NOT Be Together**

Fred: Weeeeee're baaaaack!!! And we still don't own Danny, and all things related or resembling the works of Poison Doughnut.

George: And Danny is still here, chained to a giant carrot! Which we DO own! Huzzah!

Danny: What about Sam? Is she still here?

George: Oooh, make a note of that! He's asking about her whereabouts! He cares!

Fred: Taken note of.

George: (turns to Danny) To answer your question, she is back in Amity Park.

Fred: (whistles) Oh yeah, about that…

George: (glares)

Fred: (snaps) Alright, she is NOW back at home in Amity Park. And no longer chained to another giant carrot.

Danny: Can you get on with it? I want to go home already!

Fred: (under breath) That's where he knows Sam is…

George: Fine. We'll do this quickly. Number 12—

Danny: Wait! What happened to 11??

George: The French narrator did that one, remember? Anyway, 12—She wants to be one of the mindless happy princesses without a mind or free will!!

Danny: Isn't that what 'mindless' means?

Fred: Do we care?

Danny: Um, no?

George: Correct. Moving on again!

Fred: 13—Danny wears pink pajamas. He knows that pink matches Paulina's shirt, but he only wears it when they won't be seen together. He knows Sam hates pink, so he wears it only when she won't have to see. (thinks: Yet… ; P )

George: …You scare me. A _lot_.

Danny: What are you talking about, that was unprovoked.

George: No it wasn't. You mean you didn't hear it?

Danny: Hear what?

Fred: Nothing! (starts whistling in an 'innocent' fashion)

George: Fred…did I somehow borrow your…thought bubble?

Fred: Maaaaybeeeee…and don't you mean thought _parentheses?_

George: No…ok maybe yes…

Danny: Get on with it!

Fred: What are you, Monty Python??

Danny: Who?

G+F: GASP-eth!! HOW COULD NOT KNOW—oh never mind.

Fred: Number 14 – Paulina is a _horrible _mother. Remember her 'sack of joy'?

Danny: (gives blank look) No.

George: It's official. He's hopeless.

Fred: Definitely. Though he's still hot.

Danny: Still creeped out by that…

Fred: Deal with it.

George: Anywaaaay…number 15—She only notices your existence AT ALL if you are, for some strange and inexplicable ghost-related reason, popular. Or a ghost.

Danny: Does not!

Fred: Taking the time to turn you down every time you stupidly ask her out does not constitute as noticing your existence.

Danny: Why not?!?!

George: Because. It doesn't.

Fred: I see that Sam notices him daily though…

Danny: Well, duh! She's like, my best friend!

Fred: You just keep tellin' yourself that, Clueless.

George: Ok, anywho: Number 16—She has a shrine to 'InvisoBill' in her locker. That is BEYOND creepy. You cannot date a stalker!!

Danny: (mutters) Which thankfully seems to eliminate **you**…

George: No, that's Fred.

Fred: What is?

G+D: Nothing.

Fred: Ok.

George: (slaps face) I cannot believe I am that moron's twin.

Fred: What was that??

George: Nothing.

Fred: OK.

George: Again…

Danny: Get on with it!

Fred: Chill, Monty!

Danny: I won't bother asking this time…

George: Good!

Fred: 17! Tucker wants you to go out with Sam, not Paulina.

Danny: Who cares?? It's just so he can go out with her himself!

George: And MOSTLY because he wants you to go out with your real soul mate already!

Danny: Do you believe in all that soul mate junk??

George: Maaaaybe…

Fred: Yes…

George: (mutters) Which is why she is actually allowing Danny to not be with herself…

Fred: Hey, I heard that! And I resent it!

Danny: Can I have some fudge? I ate all the cookies you gave me in the last chapter.

Fred: No! Never! Then you have to turn into your dad!

Danny: But I'll share it with you… (gives puppy pout Fred drools over)

George: Maybe. But then you need to promise to ask Sam out as soon as you get back.

Danny: (grumbling) Fine, I'll settle for some fries. Or more cookies…

Fred: Can we move on?

George: Sure. Number 18—We are psychic.

Danny: And that has to do with it…how?

Fred: Typical. We have seen the future through our amazing abilities. Someday, a Disasteroid will come hurtling towards Earth, and you will be forced to ask Sam out in your final hours. You will also finally give her "Valerie's" ring.

George: And yes, it is inevitable.

Danny: Are you, like, Clockwork in disguise or something?

G+F: No! Eeeww, he's a creepy old dude! And kid! And adult!

Fred: He's just plain creepy!

George: I know. At least we're creepy in an obsessive sort of fangirl way!

Danny: Can I have the next reason? It'll get me one step closer to a cookie.

George: Sure. That's _definitely_ the reason… (Danny ignores obvious sarcasm)

Fred: coughcoughHEWANTSSAMcoughcough

Danny: Bless you.

George: Idiot. (smacks head)

Fred: Nineteen—Paulina is an airhead. She thinks she is soooo wonderful. As you admitted yourself, Sam is special and sticks out from the crowd because she's smart. Paulina leads the crowd, proving that she is a (censored) moron.

Danny: When did I admit that?

George: Duh! When Ember came and you were telling Sam why you thought she was unaffected. And I quote: "…individuality, or intelligence?"

Danny: How did you know that? And that impression was creepily accurate!

George: Thanks! I've been practicing! (mumbles) It's the only effective way of dragging Fred out of bed before noon…

Fred: (wakes up) He's here! (looks around) Eeeeek! He really is here!!

Danny: When did you fall asleep?

Fred: I fell asleep?

George: See? … Also, she was probably dreaming about you so, this reality isn't really that different from her dream land. Except it probably has more chocolate.

Fred: And fudge. In my dream land, we eat endless fudge without looking like Jack.

Danny: I thought you didn't know you were asleep.

Fred: I was asleep?

Danny: (smacks forehead)

George: Okay, now that's just sad…

Fred: How did you smack yourself if all of your limbs and appendages are bound to the giant carrot?

George: Cuz, duh, he's a ghost-

Danny: Half ghost

George: -half ghost, so he can phase through it.

Fred: But we shorted out his powers! How did he not escape before?!?

George: Because his powers are coming back now!

Danny: They are? See ya-

G+F: Get him!!!

(twins tackle halfa into the carrot, causing it to topple over and knock said halfa unconscious)

Fred: Well…I guess he's not gonna escape now…

George: And his powers will stay shorted for another three hours…

Fred: Wanna play a game till he wakes up?

George: Oooh, I'll go get Eric, Brandon, and the Truth or Dare bottle and some skittles!

Fred: Oh narrator!

Random (now known to be French) narrator: And so, tune in next time as Fred and George deviously continue to prove to Danny that Paulina is an evil mind-controlling spirit from another dimension. Oops, that was Sam's line…and another reason…dang.

* * *

George: We apologize endlessly for our inexcusable hiatus! 

Fred: School is a (censored) and we could not escape.

George: But we graduated, so expect at least one more chapter this summer!

Fred: And review! I'll hunt you like Skulker if you don't review!

George: Though that's not much of a threat, all things considered...


End file.
